


Andrew, Neil and Curb Appeal

by SensationalSunburst



Series: Small Angry Gardeners [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Post-Canon, Small Angry Gardeners, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-24 00:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13799106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SensationalSunburst/pseuds/SensationalSunburst
Summary: After Riko, after Baltimore, after three years of long distance and Skype calls, Andrew and Neil settle on the same team in the same city and purchase their first house.The Foxes decide the pair need a good hobby and no so subtly suggest gardening.OrA small series of vignettes of Andrew, Neil and the pursuit of curb appeal





	1. New Growth

**Author's Note:**

> Technically a sequel to Saved by The Bush, but it's not necessary to read that first.  
> Because I have Thoughts and Feelings about these two living the domestic dream.

It started with a housewarming party.

Three weeks after they moved in and the boxes were unpacked and thrown out and the walls were repainted from an awful, sterile white; the furniture delivered and arranged, then rearranged and arranged again. After all the locks were upgraded to beefier versions that could talk via the wifi with the security system Neil installed so that he can monitor the house from away games.

Two weeks after the cats came out from hiding beneath the bed, angry and wary of the change and the move and their new home.

One week after Andrew replaced every window screen in the house with something stronger, something that could easily hold 140 pounds of reckless striker.

(Because he would _never_ again be just a second too late. He would never again be forced see that expression of surprise of Neil's face- not unless he was the one to put it there.)

Three weeks after move in, he sent a text he never thought he'd send and invited the Foxes to his new home. They had a grill and the space to use it and after Andrew glanced at the manual he fired it up and began grilling burgers for the incoming horde. Neil continued cleaning, then arranged the patio furniture, then rearranged it and then arranged it again.

Because, as he explained, it was _their stuff_ , they could do with it what they will, and Neil was still working his way through that. So he arranged furniture and cleaned and only sometimes panicked about the sheer volume of _stuff_ they had accumulated.

He was shifting their deck chairs into a slightly larger circle around the fire pit when Bee arrived, on time to the second, from around the side of the house. She was wearing a bright teal dress and a dark green cardigan, their new team colors, and carrying an armful of potted plants that Neil rushed to help her with.

“Thank you Neil, these are for both of you.” She said as he set them in a neat row against the sliding glass door. He glanced at the small plastic tags stuck in the soil and felt his lips twitch.

“Gardening has been proven to be a highly relaxing and rewarding hobby.” She explained. As Andrew abandoned the grill to investigate she reached out to lightly squeeze his shoulder. Neil was unsurprised to see how he leaned into the contact.

“Tomatoes.” Andrew said, but both Bee and Neil knew him well enough to sense the question in the otherwise even statement.

“Tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers and carrots.” Bee confirmed, pointing to each pot in turn. “I was assured by an expert that they would be a good start to a garden, if you decided to build one.”

It turned out Renee was the so-called expert that Betsy had consulted, as evidenced by the offensively orange gardening gloves and PSU apron that she brought as her housewarming gift. Andrew scowled at the stiff fabric and its custom embroidered “PSU Foxes #13” stitching, but he carefully folded the ensemble and set in inside, which meant he liked it.

“Are you going to do it?” Neil asked later, after the Foxes had all cleared out. He was idly nibbling on one of the cookies their neighbor had brought them earlier in the day. He'd watched her do a double take as Kevin arrived at the party while she was letting her dog out and was reminded that they would need to give back her cookie tray at some point. 

“I'm going to do many things.” Andrew replied, grabbing his umteenth cookie from the sizable pile.

“Garden.” Neil said, leaning back on the lounge chair. He fixed his gaze in the moon and slouched further. “I was thinking of maybe planting some flowers in the front yard, then you can take the back.”

“It's your house, you can do what you want.”

“It's _our_ house.” Neil said, but with such emotion that Andrew had to stomp down his kneejerk reaction to tell him to shut up. Instead, he reached out, grabbed Neil's lounge chair and dragged it to his side to lace their fingers together.

“Our house.” He agreed.

* * *

 

“Andrew?” Neil called from the porch. The gardening gloves were missing, but he couldn't see Andrew through the towering tomatoes.

Andrew poked his head through the wall of plants and rolled his eyes as Neil’ mouth pulled into grin. He knew he was laughing at Andrew's wide brimmed straw hat, but he burned so easily that he couldn't go outside without it.

Neil lifted the large tub in his hands in question. “Ladybugs just got delivered?”

“Bring them here.”

Neil padded barefoot across the lawn, taking the long way around the raised wooden beds Andrew and Aaron had built in neat rows. He handed the tub off to Andrew, who scowled as Neil's lips stretched into a smile at the picture Andrew made with his straw hat, bright orange apron and gardening gloves. Andrew ripped the top off and picked up the straw bundle crawling with ruby red ladybugs.

“They'll eat pests.” He explained as he began to gently shake them off on the leaves of his plants. “I'm not losing my fucking strawberries, it took a month to save the mint. Although I should have let that fucker die, it's still too big even after I gave half of it to the Neighbor.”  

(The mint delivery had been one of the strangest interactions that Neil had ever witnessed. Andrew simply chucked what looked like five pounds of mint bush trimmings on the neighbor's front porch before she got home from work. Neil had been checking the mail when she got home and bent to pick up the bundle, bewildered.

“Our plant got to big. Andrew figured you could use it for something.” Neil said when she turned around to glance at him. Her eyes were wide, surprised, but she'd flashed him a smile regardless.

“I can use it, for sure. Tell him I said thank you. If y'all want to get rid of anything else like this, I'm your girl.” She said, southern accent thick as molasses.

The next day, she'd delivered mint chocolate chip cookies and a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream.)

Andrew looked up at Neil's continued silence to find  that he'd moved a few steps closer. His eyes were impossibly blue, bright as the sky as he slowly reached out and lifted a ladybug off Andrew’s cheek. Butit was the enamored look on his face that  caused the corner of Andrew’s mouth to twitch up as he snagged a handful of Neil’s shirt.

“ _Yes_ , you sap.” He said, responding to the unspoken question in Neil’s eyes.

He smothered Neil's answering grin with his lips.

* * *

 

True to his word, Neil went to work on the front yard, tackling his project with the same level of determination and dedication that he did Exy. In between, he and Andrew lounged together on the front porch, each reading their respective gardening books in the peaceful silence of their neighborhood.

On the quiet Sunday morning that Neil considered the front garden “done”, he invited Andrew outside just after sunrise to check it out. Andrew went easily, but paused before passing the couch as King jumped from the floor, to the arm of the couch. She cooed, leaning her weight forward, testing the leap, but Andrew, with a put upon sigh that was almost certainly for show, bent his knees enough to lower himself a half a foot. King chirped again, lined up the shot and then leapt to his shoulder. He helped her settle then followed Neil outside, ignoring the softness settling around Neil’s eyes around his eyes as he reached back inside to snag his camera.

Neil watched with a familiar clench in his chest as Andrew took his time, both for himself and for King balanced on his shoulders and leaned forward to smell the flowers he'd arranged on raised beds in front of his hedges. Andrew ran a careful finger along the edges of delicate petals but paused the longest before Neil's sunflowers.

Neil had no eye for landscaping, he'd picked flowers that we're easy to grow and hardy and had placed them almost haphazardly in nonsensical bunches and shapes. The only flowers placed strategically were the sunflowers, which were to block the old man next door from peering over the fence at them as they relaxed on their front porch. They were growing quickly, sprouting up in just a few weeks to be just as tall as he was. Andrew was leaning forward as he felt King straining forward to put her face in the center of one sunny bloom when he heard the tell-tale click of Neil's camera.

“Staring.” Andrew drawled, turning to look at Neil. But his eyes were glued on his camera. Andrew waited and felt his lip twitch downward at the gutpunched look on Neil's face.

“You look like the sun.” He breathed.

 The photo, as Andrew saw it later blown up on Neil's laptop, was he had to admit, quite something _._ The sunrise set his hair aflame, making it appear to glow gold, the same effect it had on his eyes where they were trained on the sunflowers blurred into the background. Kings pale fluffy tail was wrapped around his shoulder, a stark contrast to the sunkissed bronze of his skin after a summer of gardening.

It was a portrait of a man he hardly recognized. But it was his face that seemed the most alien. Soft in a way he'd never imagined he'd see it, with something like a smile hinted at the corner of his mouth. And although he didn’t quite know who the Andrew in that picture was, he could quietly admit to himself that he was excited to find out.

Neil emailed it to Wymack and Abby, but printed and framed a photo for Bee.


	2. Neighborhood Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their closest neighbor teaches the boys about how to build a community.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read, we die like men.

 

The Neighbor was surprisingly Not Awful. Despite her quite obvious staring while they moved in, she wasn't disruptive. Or mosey, despite, one day a few weeks after their first game, she seemed to realize who they were. The only indication of it however, was the Riptide's flag she raised on game days and the themed cupcakes she delivered to the neighborhood after wins.

The first time Andrew spoke to her was a frigid December morning, when he noticed that the cats weren't cuddling in bed with Neil as per normal. A snowstorm had blown through that weekend, dumping a few feet of powdery frozen death on their sidewalks, cancelling their home game and Neil's morning run. But when Andrew got up to investigate the disappearance of their fur covered heating pads, he found them both sitting in the windowsill, entranced by what was outside.

It was, in fact, the Neighbor.

Shoveling her way down the sidewalk, a clear cut path from where she must have started on her own patch and was making her way around their small cul-de-sac. Behind her, dressed in his own winter coat and boots, her dog bounded in an out of the snow banks.

“What are you doing.”

She started, nearly slipping and dropping her shovel before flashing a smile. “Oh, I uh. I shovel Agnus and Peter’s sidewalks, because they're too old, you know? And I figured since I was already out here sweatin’ up a storm that y'all wouldn't mind. Especially since poor Neil and his ankle. I can’t believe they let that Jersey Devil bastard off with a yellow card.”

King leapt to his shoulder then, cooing just before so he didn't toss her off, and rubbed her face against his cheek. Neighbor stared for a moment before grinning, the same grin he realized, that Allison used to get before she tried to start shit. So Andrew grunted, stepped back inside and slammed the door.

 

* * *

 

Even her dog was even acceptable, despite its mouthy nature it didn't seem particularly vicious. Instead, it tended to hurl itself to the ground when it saw Neil in the mornings before his run in search of bellyrubs, much to the Neighbor's confusion. But by far the best part about her was that she was observant.

The FBI goons that briefed them on the neighborhood indicated she had a nasty ex with a quick temper and cruel hands. Andrew knew this meant meant she tended to pay attention to the goings on of their little community, an ineffective but dedicated sentry for their secluded cul-de-sac.

Andrew could appreciate the sentiment.

Which was why, he would explain, that when on one chilly March morning, when she knocked on the door and told him of a strange car with a Maryland license plate that had been hanging around when they weren't home, he took the warning seriously, ignoring her babbling about deranged fans and past experience to shut the door before Neil could hobble over and investigate.

It was why he didn't hesitate to give the goons a courtesy call after Neil had gone off for his run and the mystery machine showed up before he swiftly dragged the misplaced gangster to where he belonged-- the ground.

(The old man next door had a field day. He was shouting like a boxing coach as Andrew bodily dragged the stunned mobster from his car. Which was far superior to the old woman's screams and the Neighbor's dog's barking.)

Neil had arrived in short order, dragging him away with soft, urgent words, and the FBI had shown up shortly thereafter. They'd taken the bloodied thug away and set about interviewing the neighbors, but Andrew had stuck around just long enough to hear them all claim it was self-defense.

 

* * *

 

 

Their neighborhood was quiet, no loud music, no squealing tires, no parties or kids.

So when the sound of squealing tires, the thud of an impact and the obvious, unending snarl of the Neighbor's dog shattered the calm of a Saturday evening, the entire neighborhood took notice.

Andrew and Neil turned their eyes on each other instantly, rising in tandem and peering through their blinds at their front yard. It wasn't for Neil; that much was obvious. An attack on the striker would be a quiet affair, not a drive by. Their suspicions were confirmed as they took in the shitty white pickup parked across the Neighbor's lawn, her mailbox twisted in its grill, and the scene of her snatching her dog by the harness and hauling it inside as a man, obviously drunk, staggered out of the driver's side and chased after her.

Andrew stepped out onto the porch and glanced across the way as Agnus and the old man opened their doors and then fled back inside. He stepped back, flush with the front of the house and peered into the Neighbor's perpetually open window to watch as she cowered, panicking against her couch, her dog snarling and biting at the man who was now kicking holes through her front door and decorative glass side panels.

Neighbor looked up, phone pressed to her ear and tears streaming down her face and locked eyes with Andrew. Her gaze kept flitting to the door but she still lifted a shaking hand and waved it frantically, carefully mouthing at him to _hide, run, please!_  

Andrew felt himself frown as a familiar, unwelcome feeling kicked around inside of his chest.

Andrew looked to Neil, a conversation flying past in the lift of an eyebrow and the twitch of a shoulder before Neil went back inside to retrieve his racket with a blank faced resolve that Andrew hadn’t seen in years.

_Hello, Nathaniel._

But Andrew didn't wait. Instead he vaulted over the patio railing and at the drunken fool who thought to come into his jurisdiction.

(Later, he showed the Neighbor where she could go get a stronger, nearly kick proof door installed.

Neil gave her two tickets for their next game.

She gave them about three hundred cookies.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And especially for your comments! They mean so much!


	3. Dear Aunt Hazel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FBI tracked correspondence from the neighbor of Josten, N. (formerly Wesninski, N. Jr.) and Minyard, A.

Sent: May 15th 5:04PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

Two new boys moved into the house next door!  Men is probably the correct term, but they’re tiny. Like Hobbits. But meaner.

One is short and blond and stocky and reminds me of Meaty. You remember Meaty, my little pit mix? The one that kinda hates men, _all_ men, after, you know, after Steve? I mean, he doesn’t say much, the blonde one. Didn’t even reply when I welcomed him to the neighborhood, but he sure took that plate of cookies. Still haven’t gotten the tray back, little shit.

The other one looks like someone ran him through a wood chipper and then half-ass glued him back together. Sweet Mercy, you should see the scars. Big burn one on his face, his arms. Cuts all down both of them, his hands. He lifted his shirt to wipe his face off when they were moving in and, while he’s ripped like a sports poster?

Again. _Wood chipper_.

But they’re quiet and tidy, and even Agnus across the way can’t find anything wrong with their yard yet to bitch about.

I mean, it’s kind of weird, they’re both young athletic dudes, why would they wanna move here? 90% of the people on this street are circling the drain.

__________________

 

Sent: October 31st 9:13AM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I’m sorry. You’re right, there’s nothing wrong with old people.

No, I’m not going to date them. They’re together. Like _together_ together.

Yes, I gave them a pumpkin roll too. No, I didn’t leave out the nutmeg, don’t even ask. This time, the Wood Chipper guy answered the door. His name is Neil and he is actually pretty nice. I mean, he at least thanked me. And he gave me back my cookie tray. _And_ he put out of bowl of candy for trick-or-treaters.

Meaty and I sat outside and handed ours out this year. I dressed up Meaty like a sushi roll! Best twenty bucks I ever spent. I’ve included a picture. Remember, all you have to do is click on the picture of the paper clip and select “download.”

_______________________

Sent: Nov 1st 5:58PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

Because they have sex with the windows open, that’s how.

 

______________

Sent: Nov 15th 6:19PM

Aunt Hazel,

THEY’RE STARTERS FOR THE RIPTIDES! It’s Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard! I’ve been living next door to NEIL JOSTEN AND ANDREW MINYARD FOR MONTHS AND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT!!!!

_____

Sent: Nov 15th 6:20PM

 

AUNT HAZEL,

JOSTEN AND MINYARD ARE FUCKING

THEY ARE FUCKING AND LIVING TOGETHER AND THEY HAVE CATS!?!?!?!?!>!?!

THEY ARE LIVING THE DOMESTIC FUCKING DREAM. ANDREW GROWS TOMATO PLANTS TALLER THAN HE IS.

OMG .

____

 

Sent: Nov 16th 9:02AM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I’m sorry. I know.

Save cursing for the crass. (Or when you dearly need to sass.)

Of course I’m not going to tell the press anything. Andrew gave me a pumpkin other day after I passed out those pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. Why ruin a good thing?

Besides, I’ve been pacing my runs against Neil for weeks. He doesn’t jog, he like, actually runs. Just, steps outside at the same time as me, nods and then _sprints_. I’ve never seen anything like it. Andrew comes outside thirty minutes after he leaves, like, on the dot. So, if I make it back before Andrew comes out I know I’ve cut my time down a little.

I’m going to win that stupid office 5K if it kills me.

 

______

 

Sent: Nov 17th 9:01AM

Aunt Hazel,

I’m not going to give them extra cookies, Aunty, that’d be super weird. They’d think I’m spying on them or something.

 

_____

 

Sent: Nov 20th 6:32PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I’m not spying.

I’m observing the two greatest Exy players the sport’s ever seen essentially live out a domestic fan fiction. The only thing missing is Kevin Day.

_____

 

Sent: Nov 21st 10:30PM

 

Kevin Day showed up at their house.

He’s kind of an ass?

Andrew drives a Maserati.

What reality is this?

 

____  


Sent: Nov 22nd 9:23Am

 

Aunt Hazel,

No! No! I’m not asking for the autographs. I don’t even think they know that I know who they are.

To be fair, I’m not sure if anyone else in our little old folks community even follows Exy.

_____________________

 

Sent: Dec 17th 8:48PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I actually spoke with Andrew today! Holy shit! I mean, he said like, five words, but still! Progress?

I was shoveling the sidewalks and decided to just go ahead do theirs as well because, like, how rude would it be to shovel all but one hunk of sidewalk and he came out, A CAT ON HIS SHOULDERS, no fucks given, and was like, “What are you doing.”

But he like, didn’t ask? He just said it? He kinda looks like a dementor has pulled out his freaking soul. I mean, kinda, because he looks at Neil with this _face_ sometimes? But only when Neil’s not looking. It’s adorable. Even Meaty thinks so.

(Meaty likes Neil, by the way. Which, WTF, right? He _hates_ men! But nope, he got out of the door one morning, sniffed right up to Neil and didn’t growl or anything. Neil asked to pet him and I told him that Meaty could be an asshole and he was like, “I’m used to it.”)

Anyway, I told him I shoveled everyone’s sidewalks cause half of them are too old to do it themselves and he went. “Hmph,” or something. It was a grunt for sure, and went back inside.

….

Isn’t my life thrilling?

 

_____

 

Sent: Feb 3rd 5:45AM

 

There’s a car sitting in front of Harold’s house. I don’t recognize it, and Harold doesn’t drive.

 

_______________

 

Sent: Feb 3rd 6:00PM

 

It’s not _his_ car. He drove that Chevy pick-up, remember?

 

____________

 

Sent: Feb 15th 8:03AM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I skipped my run this morning.

Meaty was confused, but pleased at this development.

The car shows up around 5:30, parks in front of Harold’s, stays until Neil and Andrew leave for work. Or practice or whatever the fuck Exy players do.

It just sits there, but.

It gives me a bad feeling.

___________

 

Sent: March 6th 7:51PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

Andrew opened the door this time.

Do you know how hard it is to talk to someone when they look _through_ you? Super hard.  Which is why I brought the cake because, I mean, he’s got a sweet tooth somethin’ fierce.

So I told him about the car, and about how it wasn’t Harold's because, yes, I asked. (And yes, I brought Harold cake too. Sugarless, because the whole diabetes things.)

Andrew actually looked at me when I mentioned the licence plate though. He asked what it looked like, and how long it’d been showing up, and I could see Neil hobbling around in the living room (I think he’s doing fine, I was watching the game when it happened. A twisted ankle won’t keep him down for long, don’t worry!)

So, I’m like, “And I don’t wanna seem like, paranoid or anything but I have some experience with stalkers and I just. I’m pretty sure Agnus across the street has called the cops on it but, she calls the cops on everyone, all the time? So they may be ignoring it? So, you may wanna call it in?”

And he doesn’t say anything.

And you know I’m a nervous babbler so I’m like, “Yeah, you know. Just in case it’s like, a crazy fan? They can be dangerous?”

And he doesn’t say anything.

He just looked at me, looked at where I showed him the car was parked, stepped back and slammed the door.

What a dick!

 

_______________

Sent: March 8th 8:47PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

So the FBI showed up today. Like, knocked on my door.

I had to put Meaty in the kitchen with the baby gate. He was livid.

Anyway, they asked about that car. The one in front of Harold's?

I mean, it hasn’t shown up since Neil twisted his ankle and got benched but. They wanted to know what it looked like, how long it’d been there, if I’d seen the driver.

I’m getting super sketchy vibes.

______________

 

Sent: March 15th 10:04AM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I’ll be there to pick you up at the airport! I’m excited!

 

________

 

_Come back inside._

_Aunt Hazel, what are you telling him, stop omg_

_NO, WHY ARE YOU_

**Aunt Hazel** : TTYL

_I taught you to text better than this stop what you are doing and come inside, leave them alone, Andrew looks like he’s_

_WHY ARE YOU HUGGING NEIL WHAT DID YOU DO OMG STOP_

**Aunt Hazel** : Perks of being old. They’re very nice young men. ;)

 

_______________

 

Sent: March 30th 9:47AM

 

I still cannot believe you put me in time out IN MY OWN HOUSE while you HARASSED MY POOR NEIGHBORS! I HAVEN’T SEEN THEM IN WEEKS. I’M NOT GOING TO GET ANY ZUCCHINI THIS YEAR BECAUSE OF YOU.

 

__________

 

Sent: April 1st 6:01AM

 

He found me.

I can’t believe he found me.  

Agnus called the police, but Meaty chased him off.

He’s still driving the same fucking pick-up

___________

 

Sent April 10th: 9:46AM

 

Omg.

Aunt Hazel. I can’t. I don't’ even know how to fucking start.

 

_______

  
Sent April 10th: 9:50AM

 

Two days ago, the car came back. The one in front of Harold’s.

It’s cold AF so I skipped my run and was drinking cocoa on the porch when, maybe fifteen minutes after Neil left (Yeah, he’s _still_ running! Even in this weather! Lord have mercy.) Andrew came out, looked right at me and said nothing.

He crossed the street, used a fucking flashlight to bash the driver’s side window in on the car, ripped out the driver and proceeded to beat the guy into the pavement.

Aunt Hazel.

Aunt Hazel that shit was biblical. Like, the dude was huge!

Meanwhile, Meaty is going insane, so I dropped my mug, broke it, there’s cocoa fucking everywhere (so now I have to treat for ants AGAIN), Andrew is elbow deep in this dude’s fucking guts, Harold is out on the porch now _cheering Andrew on_ , I’m trying to call the cops and keep a hand on Meaty and then Neil comes _sprinting_ out of nowhere, hovering behind Andrew and says _something_ that gets him to drop the guy.

By this time, Agnus is outside, and now she’s shouting, and her fucking yappy dog is having an aneurysm. Then Neil and Andrew just walk back to their house like _that_ didn’t just happen and Andrew turns to me and says,

“Some neighborhood watch you are.”

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THEM?!?!

 

\-----------------------

 

Sent April 11th: 5:55PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

WELP. The FBI is back. With more questions in relation to the beatdown of the century in the fucking cul de sac de old folks.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say this is relation to a one Neil Josten. I googled him and like, whoooo boy. It wasn’t a Wood Chipper, it was a butcher. As in, like, _The Butcher of Baltimore_!!!

He was his freaking _dad_ and he carved him up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

The cookies are already in the oven.

No wonder his boyfriend is so defensive. He like, got straight up kidnapped in college! By a real life mobster! A MOBSTER. What century does that guy live in! Lived? He’s dead now, don’t worry. Super dead.

 _Mobsters._  I can’t even.

____________

 

Sent April 13th: 4:30PM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I think between Andrew, Agnus and the FBI, we’ve got the Neil Josten protection squad covered, Aunty. Stand down.

 

______

 

 **Missed Call** May 3rd 1:15PM

 **Missed Call** May 3rd 1:15PM

 **(4) New Voicemails** May 3rd 1:16PM

_Honey? Please tell me what’s happening! I’ve already called the police, stay inside, keep that dog of yours with you. Make sure the door is locked. Please call me back, honey. Honey, please. He’s going to go to jail this time, sweetie, it’s going to be ok._

**Missed Call** May 3rd 1:16PM

 **Missed Call** May 3rd 1:17PM

_____

Recent Calls

Aunt Hazel    May 3rd 12:45PM

Emergency Services May 3rd 12:48PM

\-----

Sent: May 4th 7:09AM

 

Aunt Hazel,

I’ve gotta write this down, you always said it helped.

I don't even know where to start. I've told this story about a billion times by now.

The FBI even came. I think it's because well.

So, I was letting Meaty out when Steve showed up. He drove his truck _onto my fucking lawn_ , practically fell out of the car and started for me. I had to drag Meaty back with one hand on his harness and Steve is screaming, and I don't have anything to defend myself with but he's got something in his hand and I just, I freaked out? Ran inside, locked the door.

Called you.

Called the police.

But Steve was trying to break down the door and he was kicking out the glass panels on the door.

Through the side window I see Andrew and Neil step outside, and Aunty, their _faces._ I mean, neither of them seem to be particularly emotive, but…

But there was like, nothing there. Blank slates, watching Steve kick holes in my front door like they were watching paint dry.

Meaty is going insane, going back and forth between crouching in front of me and snarling at the door and snapping at Steve's foot every time I starts to splinter the wood, I'm clutching my bat, the police are on the phone in my ear and I honestly couldn't even hear the dispatcher anymore.

Then, Andrew turns and stares right at me through the fucking window and I know I looked a fucking _mess_ and I'm trying to motion for them to get away because Steve is so big and so angry and probably so, so drunk and they're both itty bitty.

Then Neil turns, walks back inside. Comes out a second later and stares over at where Agnus must be standing on her own porch, tripping about how much my imminent _murder_  is going to ruin her property value with a big ass orange exy racket. Then, with no warning, Andrew vaults over their porch railing.

And I can hear Steve yelling and then an impact, thick like a punch, and then nothing besides Meaty’s snarls.

So, I peek out of the holes Steve has kicked and he's sprawled out on the grass, nose very, very clearly broken, with Neil's foot on his chest. Andrew is standing beside him, lighting up a cigarette for both of them and they just stood there. Pinning down Steve, even though he is K.Oed, until the cops came.

Best. Neighbors. Ever.

Andrew even told me what kind of door to replace mine with so it'd be practically kick proof.

______

Sent May 10th 8:39AM

 

Aunt Hazel,

Guess who's got two thumbs, a basket of tomatoes and two courtside tickets to this week's Riptide's game?

Me! Dust off that jersey!

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to pop a comment below!  
> Until next time! :D


End file.
